The End of a Year... decade!

It's the end of the year! Even the end of the decade!

I don't know whether I was just too young when this decade rolled around but people seem to make a really big deal out of the decades changing. In the spirit of such a big change people are letting go - or at least trying to - of things/ people that are no longer bringing positivity into their lives.

There are many things and people that I want to leave in the 2010's. There is one person in particualr that I got to know in the last few years and really want to leave behind in this decade. I wrote this letter in the hope of getting some closure.

To somebody I used to know...

...or at least I thought I did.

We went through a lot. You probably more than me. But where's the point in comparing?

You meant a lot to me back then. I won't deny it. I would have done anything for you but it never quite felt like you’d do the same.

I felt so horrible when I realised I didn’t have it in me to be there for you as well as him. I made a choice. For a while I lost you both. Then I thought I was getting you back. I was wrong.

Time after time you’d push me away and I’d try, try again. Now I wonder why? I couldn’t understand how you found it so easy to shut me out. So often I wondered whether I ever meant anything to you at all.

Some days I hated you for leaving but most of them I hated myself for missing you.

With time I realised our relationship had been toxic. Don’t get me wrong. I wasn’t innocent in all of this. We were both the toxic one.

For quite a while I worried I was just like you. Then in the past few months I found out more about you than when I “knew” you and I wonder how we ever came to be. I can’t believe I was so blind.

You weren’t the person I thought you were and I hope you’re not the person I have come to believe you are.

I no longer miss you. I no longer crave what we had.

This is me letting go.

Goodbye.

Wishing you a Happy New Year!

Shaura